I Blog...Therefore I'm Not

Funniest Thing Ever Heard in Church

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 12:48:31 -0800

(First of all you have to picture the guy saying this is about 60 years old and says it with a completely straight face).

“We are having our hanging of the greens party in 2 Saturdays. Weve been doing this for several years. They must have a really large family.”

Makes For a Hard Night

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:02:24 -0800

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see more http://graphjam.com“>Funny Graphs

10 things my zodiac sign hates

Wed, 28 Oct 2009 14:49:06 -0700

othersideofsanity:

hey2thecow:

Gemini

People without a sense of humor (definitely true)
Not constantly being the center of attention (sometimes true)
Broken clocks and watches
Bad wine
Shoes that you can’t dance in
People who talk slowly
People that walk too slow (SO very true)
Pessimistic individuals
Addicted people
Broken technology (story of my life)

Find your own

Sagittarius

Late trains, planes, or automobiles (yes)
Not flying first class (ha! I’d have to get used to it, first)
Companions who get seasick (well…I don’t HATE them)
People who complain too much (oh yeah)
People who are afraid to take risks (But so am I, so I can’t judge)
Being accused of being bad with money (hasn’t happened yet)
People who expect them to be on time (HOLY CRAP SO TRUE)
Lost luggage (YES)
Animal abuse (Yep)
Reading about human rights violations (yep)

I feel like this is way too heavy on how I supposedly love to travel. Which I do. But I feel like it’s a cop out.

Cancer

Too much heat (Got it.)
Itchy wool (Yeah but does anyone really enjoy this one.)
Having to sleep on the couch (Actually no unless it means I’m in trouble.)
People who show up early (Show offs.)
People who are bad or sloppy dressers (Not too anal about this one.)
Being criticized in any way (So what do you mean BY THAT?)
Violent movies (Not ever my first choice)
Ungrateful children (Yeah)
Losing their sunglasses (Happens too often. Also see the great umbrella chase.)
People who steal the spotlight (This one is under control. I’m ready for my close up Mr. DeMille)

othersideofsanity: (via icanread)

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 14:42:19 -0700

othersideofsanity:

(via icanread)

Refrigerator Magnet Wisdom

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:06:49 -0700

“I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.”

I think the trick is

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 16:05:24 -0700

othersideofsanity:

to find someone you can stand being around long enough, and mutually decide to make it work. That’s it. I think 99% of the problems aren’t from incompatibility or any of that bullshit, but from someone deciding that they don’t want to make it work anymore. Which may or may not be a good decision, either way.

But I think that’s how it works.

And that’s my thought for the night.

True dat

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 14:33:00 -0700

True dat

A Tiny Bit of Self Revelation

Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:05:00 -0700

I don’t get all angsty here. Maybe it’s a generational thing, maybe it’s just a sense that not too many would really care. There is one thing though. Absolutely every time I see a picture of myself I think.

“Geez I thought I was better looking than that.”

Question on a Bus

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 12:54:53 -0700

A lady sat down next to me and said, “Do you have chicken and bacon for me?”

When something like that happens do you, just for a moment, think, “Was I supposed to be carrying poultry and breakfast meat today?”

It would be truly humiliating to forget something like that.

AT&T Cell Commercial

Fri, 11 Sep 2009 11:41:44 -0700

Is that kid dense or does he really STILL not know that the family has rollover minutes. Come on fella!!!

tylercoates: whiteleatherpalace: to a trailer with a cross...

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 12:08:00 -0700

tylercoates:

whiteleatherpalace:

to a trailer with a cross burning in the front yard

This is probably an unfair reblog since I’ve never been there but it’s really funny and, I believe, probably true.

Geez I Hope I'm Not Becoming a Curmudgeon

Tue, 08 Sep 2009 13:54:52 -0700

But really people. Learn the language.

“Cavalry” is that group of horsemen that are racing across the plains to save you from horse thieves, varmints, yellow bellied scalawags, and liquored-up Cherokee.

“Calvary” is where Christ was crucified.

Can I get a witness from the congregation on this?

Or am I the only one that it bothers?

Does this bother my little Roman Catholic R.A. friend?

Is this more or less bothersome than when G.W. said “nucular” for 8 long years?

Two Expressions That Really Don't Exist

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 15:04:57 -0700

Irregardless and unsight unseen.

I want to

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 13:12:17 -0700

othersideofsanity:

piecesofserenity:

downtowngirl:

pipedowncate:

fall asleep next to someone. You know, lay down next to them on my bed and look into their eyes. Slowly getting closer to them, touching our foreheads together slowly closing our eyes and breathing each other in and then have him kiss me lightly on the lips and fall asleep intertwined with each other. I know it sounds cheesy, but I think it would be amazing.

Spoiler: It IS awesome. And totally not cheesy. :D

FIltered Internet is a Drag

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:36:00 -0700

How can I put 5 bucks on a baseball game when the Front Range C.C. computer lab won’t let me on a gambling site? The down side of vacationing.

The upside is lips.

Just a friendly cross species chat.

Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:33:32 -0700

Just a friendly cross species chat.

Must Have Been an Interesting Inner Dialogue

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 13:29:58 -0700

Wondering what made the guy on the bus say this before he left the house.

“I think I’ll wear my hat that says ‘vagina’ today.

Ever Been Near an Uncomfortable Silence?

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:19:44 -0700

A guy on the bus was talking about the senior discounts that can be had in a particular store. He asked a woman near him if she was 65 yet, so that she could enjoy these great bargains.

She said, “I’m 42.”

I didn’t know that icicles could grow in a bus in August.

tylercoates: I think I know someone who feels this way. :)

Wed, 05 Aug 2009 12:16:00 -0700

tylercoates:

I think I know someone who feels this way. :)

Possible Elk Sighting

Fri, 24 Jul 2009 11:10:00 -0700

She: Ohhh (sound of shuddering)

Me: What’s wrong?

She: I have a bug in my apartment! I hate bugs!!

Me: I know you do. I’m sorry.

She: Do you think I have cockroaches?

Me: I doubt it. What does it look like?

She: It has…(wait for it)…ANTLERS!!!!

Me: (After howling in laughter. I’m sorry. It couldn’t be helped)

You mean antennae.